Nancy Drew Files 9 - False Moves - Rewritten
by Arglefumph
Summary: Nancy Drew Files 9 is the book where Nancy and Ned break up and date other people. The romance in this book is so badly done that I felt obligated to rewrite it. (But mostly I just made fun of it.)


**Author's Note:** This is a minor rewrite of Nancy Drew Files #9: False Moves. A more appropriate title for the book would be Bad Moves, as Carolyn Keene certainly made her fair share of bad moves while writing the book. Not only is the culprits' plot stupid and ridiculous, but Nancy's love life is an utter failure.

Book 8 ends with Nancy and Ned officially breaking up. He says they should see other people, Nancy cries, the end.

Book 9 decides that Nancy being single is super boring and not worth mentioning, so it skips ahead to when Nancy has a new boyfriend named Brad. Are you kidding me, Carolyn Keene? Nancy was single for all of two pages? That is a huge waste of a cliffhanger. Do you really expect me to believe that _nothing worth mentioning_ happened after Nancy was dumped?

This is my not-so-serious attempt at improving the book.

* * *

Beautiful teenage detective Nancy Drew was used to danger, mystery and intrigue, but she was _not_ used to heartbreak. A fresh sob broke loose from her throat, as she hugged her friend tightly. "What am I going to do now, Bess?"

"You'll get through this, Nancy. You've been in tough situations before, right?"

Nancy nodded demurely. About once a month, Nancy was kidnapped or attacked by criminals. That was worse than losing a boyfriend, right?

WRONG! Ned was her entire life! True, she spent almost no time in River Heights with Ned, because she went on vacation every other week, but he still meant the world to her. She just didn't know _how much_ he meant, until he was gone.

"I don't think I've ever felt this awful, ever," Nancy said. "I'm not you, Bess. I don't change boyfriends every other day. I need stability in my life."

Bess looked offended, and she was going to make a snide remark when someone knocked on the door. "Can I come in?" a voice asked.

It was George Fayne, Nancy's other friend. Bess told George she could enter, and George started when she saw Nancy's red face. "What's wrong?"

"Ned broke up with me!"

"He what?" George asked. "Ned Nickerson? Old Reliable? He broke up with you?!"

Nancy burst into tears. "George!" Bess said. "Be a little more compassionate!"

"I'm sorry," George said. "I heard you solved the basketball mystery. Hannah didn't mention...this." George sat down on Nancy's bed, next to the others. "Did Ned call it off because you cheated on him again?"

"What do you mean, _again?_" Nancy asked.

"Well, you _did_ kiss that one cop in Fort Lauderdale..." George said.

"That was Spring Break! It meant nothing!" Nancy defended herself.

"You got all flirty with Mick Swanson when you worked for Flash Magazine," Bess pointed out.

"And everyone's seen the way you stare at Frank Hardy," George said.

"I did not cheat on Ned!" Nancy said indignantly. "This time, at least. He broke up with me, because I accused his best friend of murder!"

"Let me guess," George said. "You thought he was guilty, because he gets angry a lot."

"Angry _and_ violent," Nancy corrected.

"Nancy, we've been over this before!" Bess said. "You can't accuse someone of murder based on personality type! You need to have circumstantial evidence first!"

"It's too late," Nancy said. "Why didn't I believe Ned, when he said his friend was innocent? Maybe then we would still be together...Maybe..."

* * *

Nancy Drew's father, Carson Drew, was an important lawyer who constantly went on business trips. Nancy wasn't quite sure why he was away from home 70% of the time. If she didn't know any better, she'd say her father was deliberately trying to avoid her.

However, Carson made it a point to come home for dinner that night, so he could comfort his daughter. "Nancy," he said. "How are you feeling?"

"Not so good," Nancy said. "I still can't believe that Ned broke up with me."

"I'm sorry about that, Sweetie," Carson said. "But perhaps he was worried for his safety."

"Why? Being a detective isn't dangerous," Nancy said. "It's not like criminals have guns or anything. I should know. I've caught over 2,000 criminals, and none of them tried to shoot me."

"Yes, you've been quite fortunate in that regard," Carson said. "But that's not what I'm talking about. Do you know how many times you've been sent to the hospital, after getting knocked out by a criminal?"

"Um...four?"

"Fifteen," Carson said.

Nancy shrugged. "So I get knocked out about once a year. What's the big deal?"

"No, I mean, you've been knocked out fifteen times, _this year_," Carson said, shaking his head. "I just got the bill last week. River Heights Medical is threatening to drop your health care insurance."

"Great, so I'm losing my boyfriend _and_ my health insurance," Nancy said. "This is the worst week ever."

"In fact, they said that they're thinking of cancelling _my_ health insurance, because I'm related to you," Carson said.

"What? That doesn't make sense."

"Unfortunately, from a legal standpoint, it makes perfect sense. Bad things tend to happen to the people who know you. So far this year, nine of your friends have been kidnapped, threatened or robbed."

"Those things _do_ happen a lot..." Nancy mused. "But it's not my fault! I'm just an average, ordinary teenage girl!"

"You think that you're ordinary?" Carson asked.

Nancy nodded. "I'm amazingly gorgeous, I'm a black belt in karate, I'm on a first name basis with the President of the United States, I've been in outer space, I've discovered lost treasures worth over three billion dollars total, and I like listening to Madonna while drinking Coke. There's nothing unusual about that!"

Carson smiled and he wondered, not for the first time, if he had made a mistake while raising his daughter.

* * *

Nancy's endless despair lifted for a moment, when she got a letter from Bedford Penitentiary.

She smiled as she remembered that case. The principal of Bedford High School had asked Nancy to investigate a series of mysterious accidents. The highlight of the case was working with her contact, the hunky Daryl Gray. Sparks flew the instant Nancy looked into his chocolate-covered eyes, and the feelings between them only grew over the next thirty pages. Finally, once Nancy found an important videotape, the love between her and Daryl could not be contained. They passionately made out on the Drew family couch, until Bess and George interrupted them.

Nancy hated Bess and George for that.

Bess and George recommended that Nancy watch the important videotape. It was a brilliant plan that she could not have come up with herself. Alas, Nancy's heart was broken as soon as she saw the tape! To Nancy's utter disbelief, the tape showed that Daryl was selling military secrets to Russian spies!

Nancy and her friends created a three-part plan to catch Daryl. First, Nancy agreed to be Daryl's date to the Enchantment Under the Sea dance. Second, she made out with Daryl in his car. Third, she confronted him with his crimes.

_And George thought I could have skipped the makeout session and gone straight to confronting him_, Nancy thought. She shook her head, thinking how silly her friend was.

Daryl was angry when Nancy accused him, and he was shocked to learn that the entire date was a trap! Ned Nickerson and Alan Wales were watching the car the entire time, and they made sure Daryl couldn't escape.

_And Bess thought I shouldn't have made out with another guy while Ned was watching_, Nancy thought. She shook her head, thinking how silly her friend was.

It turned out that Daryl was innocent victim in the entire affair. He didn't _want _to break the law; no, the Russians _forced_ him to get millions of dollars in illegal sales. Nancy shouldn't have doubted him for a second. After all, no one that good-looking could _ever_ be a criminal.

Daryl helped Nancy catch the real criminals, because her love had transformed him into a better person. Also, he got a reduced prison sentence for cooperating with the police.

Nancy shook off her fond memories of the case, then opened the letter from Bedford Penitentiary. After serving a six month sentence in jail, Daryl Gray was being released. He was now a free man!

_And I'm a free woman..._ Nancy thought.

* * *

_Ten Minutes Later_

Nancy and Daryl made out passionately on Nancy's couch. Nancy smiled as she ran her hands through Daryl's sandy hair.

"Does this mean we're a couple now?" Daryl asked.

"Of course!" Nancy said. "Even though I haven't contacted you once in the past six months, I've been thinking of you nonstop, Neddaryl!"

"What?"

"Daryl, I meant, Daryl," Nancy said.

Daryl look unconvinced.

"Wanna make out some more?" Nancy asked.

"OKAY!" Daryl said.

Nancy caught a glimpse of the clock, before Daryl's lips pressed against hers. It was 11:48 AM, which meant it had taken her a little under 20 hours to find true love again. Not her best time ever, but certainly not bad, either.

* * *

The highway that is Nancy Drew's happiness reached an unexpected pothole, three weeks later. The doorbell rang, and when Nancy answered the front door, she was shocked to find Ned Nickerson there.

"Ned!"

"I need you to help Belinda," Ned said quickly.

"Who?"

"My new girlfriend."

A pang went through Nancy's heart. Ned had a new girlfriend? How could he get over Nancy so quickly? That faithless, cheating man! "I...I'm not sure..."

"Look, I know you probably never want to see me again, but give me a chance to explain," Ned said. "Do you know about the Raja Diamond?"

"The one from India, which is worth millions of dollars?"

"That's the one. Belinda has been accused of stealing it, but I know she's not a criminal! You have to help me prove her innocence!"

Nancy's pulse raced, at the excitement of solving a new mystery. But how could she possibly defend Ned's girlfriend? That would be a major conflict of interest!

_Wait,_ Nancy realized. _If I take this case, I could get Ned's girlfriend arrested for thievery! It'll be the perfect revenge!_

"I'll take the case!" Nancy said happily.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I'm going to take a guess and say that most of you readers have not read Nancy Drew Files 9 recently. So instead of bogging you down with all the details and characters, I'm just going to skip the first day of the investigation and do a minor recap.

* * *

"I'll do anything I can to help you solve the mystery," Daryl said.

"Great," Nancy said. "I need all the help I can get! This mystery is really tough. Yesterday, the culprit chased me."

"How do you know it was the culprit?"

"Well, they were wearing an all-black disguise, complete with a ski mask," Nancy said. "I caught them stealing shoes, and they knocked me out."

"Poor baby," Daryl said. "Let me help you feel better."

Nancy and Daryl made out passionately for ten minutes, before returning to the investigation.

"So, did you find any clues?"

"Even better," Nancy said, holding up a videotape. "I have a video of the theft, because the ballet performance was being broadcast on live TV."

"Convenient," Daryl said, as Nancy played the tape. The video showed three ballerinas who were with the Chicago Ballet Theater. "Who are the dancers?"

"The man is Andre, and the younger ballerina is Belinda," Nancy said. "The older woman is Katya Alexandrovna. She's wearing the diamond."

After a few minutes, the dance came to an end. The lights went out as everyone applauded. When the applause died down, the stage was still dark.

"Why don't they turn the lights back on?" Daryl asked.

"This is when it happens," Nancy said.

A woman screamed. Ten seconds later, the lights turned back on. Katya was lying unconscious, and the diamond was gone.

"Her shoe is untied," Daryl pointed out.

"Whose?"

"Katya's shoe. Look, she limping on it."

In the video, Katya was woken up and helped offstage. Her right shoe was untied, and she was limping heavily on her leg.

"She told me that's from an old ballet injury," Nancy said. "Katya's getting old for a ballerina, and her left leg gets stiff sometimes."

"But she's limping on her _right_ foot," Daryl said.

Nancy was shocked to see that Daryl was correct. "You're right! But why would she limp on the wrong leg?"

"Maybe she has the diamond hidden inside her shoe," Daryl said. "She put it in the wrong shoe, so you could have easy evidence of her guilt—I mean, because she forgot which leg is the injured one. Also, she forgot to tie her shoe for some reason."

"That's brilliant!" Nancy said. "You solved the case!"

Nancy and Daryl made out some more.

"But wait a second," Nancy said. "The culprit has been stealing shoes."

"Because the diamond is hidden inside a shoe," Daryl said.

"So Katya hid the diamond inside her shoe, then she _lost_ the shoe?" Nancy asked.

"Looks like it," Daryl said.

"That seems pretty stupid to me. You'd think she would keep track of a million-dollar shoe."

"Yeah, you'd think so. Wanna make out some more?"

"OKAY!"

* * *

Even though Nancy solved the mystery, the story wasn't over. I mean, it's not like she could go to the police or anything. All she had was video footage of the theft! That clearly didn't count as good evidence.

Daryl and Nancy put their heads together that night, when the Chicago Ballet Theater was getting ready to put on a performance of _Giselle_.

"While everyone is busy with the ballet, we'll have free reign to sneak around and find the missing shoes," Nancy said. "We've got to get them before Katya does!"

"Okay, but Katya has a three day head start on us," Daryl said. "The shoes can't be somewhere obvious, otherwise she would have found them by now."

"Hmmm..." Nancy said. "Where is a good place to find lost shoes?"

"The lost and found box!" Daryl said.

Daryl and Nancy celebrated by making out passionately for ten minutes, then they went to the lost and found. Nancy found the correct shoes on the left-hand side. She could tell it was the correct pair of shoes, because one shoe had a heavy toe.

"I just thought of something," Nancy said. "Pointe shoes have labels, right?"

"Looks like it," Daryl said.

"If Katya was looking for a specific pair of size 6 shoes, why did she steal _every_ shoe in the building? Why did she take a bunch of wrong-sized shoes?"

"I guess she wanted to draw public attention to the missing shoes, so you could have easy evidence of her guilt—I mean, because she forgot what size shoe she wears."

"Makes sense," Nancy said. "She isn't very—look out!"

The person in the all-black disguise reappeared. Nancy could clearly see that the person was a man. Katya's accomplice, perhaps? There was no time to think about that, as the man pulled out a knife and rushed towards Nancy and Daryl.

The two teens ran backstage for cover, but for some reason, they didn't bother talking to one of the dozens of people standing around. Daryl turned on the attacker and knocked the knife away. Nancy's cheer died in her throat, when she saw the attacker retaliate by punching Daryl in the stomach. Daryl went down immediately.

"No!" Nancy cried.

She didn't have time to help Daryl, because she still had the shoes, and the attacker was headed straight for her. Nancy ran through the backside of the backdrop area, to the other side of the stage. That was when she saw Ned, watching the ballet.

"NED!" Nancy cried. "Go back and left! Hike 29!"

Ned immediately ran the football play that Nancy had called out. Because of _course _Nancy and Ned have memorized football plays together. Don't all couples do that? I know Ned was a basketball player in the previous book, but basketball and football are basically the same thing.

Nancy made a perfect pass, throwing the shoes to Ned, because throwing a football and throwing a ballet slipper with a heavy diamond in the toe are basically the same thing.

"You fools!" an angry voice said. "I'll _destroy_ you!"

Katya appeared, in her full ballerina costume. She charged at Nancy and did a flying kick. Katya was a professional ballerina with decades of experience under her belt, but she was no match for Nancy's karate moves. _Why do I always forget to use my karate moves on the culprit, until the very end of the book?_ Nancy wondered, as she knocked Katya unconscious.

Meanwhile, Ned fought with Katya's accomplice. To his credit, Ned didn't lose his grip on the shoes while fighting the man in black. Somehow, they ended up onstage, where Ned knocked over a piece of scenery before tossing the culprit into the orchestra pit.

And that was that. The culprits were both unconscious, and the diamond was safe. Nancy and Ned smiled at each other, before someone shouted, "Ned, you idiot!"

It was Ned's new girlfriend, Belinda, and she was angry. "You just ruined our entire performance! How could you knock over a piece of scenery like that?"

"I'm sorry, Belinda," Ned said. "Can't you restart from the beginning again? The show only started two minutes ago."

"No, we _cannot_ restart from the beginning!" Belinda said, turning red with fury. "You are the worst man I've ever met, Ned! We're through! Find someone else to date!"

Nancy started cheering loudly.

"But Belinda!" Ned said. "I was trying to protect you from the criminals! I saved the diamond! I...she's gone."

Nancy put an arm around Ned. "It's okay, Ned," she said. "She didn't deserve you."

"I guess," Ned sighed. He handed the shoe to Nancy. "I take it the diamond is hidden inside this shoe?"

"It sure is!" Nancy said. She kissed him on the cheek. "You're so smart! It's why I love you."

"I thought you have a new boyfriend," Ned said.

"I do," Nancy said. "_You!_ You're my new boyfriend, Ned! Let's be a couple again!"

"Oh, Nancy!" Ned said.

Nancy and Ned made out passionately for ten minutes, while Katya and her accomplice were arrested.

**The End**

* * *

**Epilogue**

Tears formed in Daryl's eyes, as he saw Nancy kissing Ned.

"Looks like they're getting back together," Daryl sniffed. "I mean, I know they have a history together, but...this hurts."

Unable to watch any more, Daryl turned around and walked backstage. Loud sobs interrupted his melancholy, and he followed them until he found Belinda, crying.

"What's wrong?" Daryl asked.

"What's wrong? _Everything!_" Belinda said. "My ex-boyfriend ruined my entire performance! This was going to be my big break, and now I'll never work in Chicago again!"

"I'm sorry," Daryl said. "If it helps, I'm newly single, too."

Belinda looked at Daryl with a critical eye. "We're never going to be mentioned in any Nancy Drew books after this one, are we?"

"Nope," Daryl said, shaking his head. "We're going to be dropped from the series after this."

"You wanna make out?"

"OKAY!" Daryl said.

Daryl and Belinda made out passionately. In fact, the passion they shared was five times greater than the passion between Nancy and Ned. But don't tell them that, okay? Nancy and Ned like to think their love is more passionate than any other romance, ever.


End file.
